It's so hard to get my ass off my bed and onto the chair, fingers on the keyboard and get it clicking away. Doing assignments isn't fun anymore. It's actually pretty annoying for me, at times, especially when I write crap like 'Emotional Intelligence'. Gee, I don't even possess that, what more to say write bout it.
I just want to laze around in this hot, hot weather - in my room, wearing skimpy shorts and a singlet. No one will know how skimpy they are anyway. Watch DVDs all day long and puff like a chimney when I'm bored.
Why can't I take pictures of flowers anymore and submit my passionate subject of my passionate activity to complete my passionate and desired course?
I was taking a dump at the wee hours of the morning when I realised that Journalism isn't what I want. I don't like writing by the rules. Writing's fine but rules?? * sigh. Yeah sure.. Photography and Journalism will make a good match and I only have to bear with this course for a year. 8 more subjects to go. (and 2 assignments left for the current 2 subjects, that is)
The passion driven person isn't doing what she loves anymore. How could this be? How could I let this happen to me? Why in the world did I succumb to reality? I do not want to wake up one morning and acknowledge myself as an 'aunt' or a 'grandaunt'. I will be forever me. I need to keep to that else I'll just let my dreams wither away like how many friends of my age are letting their lives get sucked into the monotonous, routine passage of life.
I don't want to get stuck in a marriage with wailing kids and house chores (b0nus would be a wicked mother in law as well) just because I feel obliged to follow the pattern of nature and life. I will only do what I think is best and what I like doing, what I'm happy doing.
But.. I'm on this darn scholarship that's not paying yet for now. Conclusion for this rambling would be to stop thinking in such a pessimistic manner and to live with it with happy thoughts. After this year, I vow to never ever do what I do not feel good about. I must live life happy.
p.s. Gee, with CNY coming.. pressure will be all over.
Big Question: Do you have a boyfriend?
Big Answer: By choice, no. I have a life partner. Gee.
Another Big Question: So don't you want to get married?
Answer: I might if I want wailing kids and a life of regret. Okie.. it's an option but not for another 10 years, perhaps?
Annoying Question: Have you finished studying?Answer: A Diploma, yes. Doing my degree.. crashing it, 1 more year!!! (* fake grin)
Super Annoying Question: So are you coming back to open a studio after you're done with your studies?
Answer of a lifetime: NO!!! I do not want to go back and open some funny studio taking pictures of people. NO!!!!
Okie, I admit. I'll never be so rude. * sigh ....
3 comments:
Honey, getting married isn't only about having wailing kids and a life of regret. Many people manage to get married without regretting it. :-)
Yeah, I know. I don't think I would be happy though... I'm just being emo about the whole issue...
it's alright, honey. everyone goes through the dumps. i know i do. :-) if you ever need anything or anyone, maybe to offer a different perspective or something, you know how to find me ya? much love, b
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