Another Post to Inform the World How Bored I Am...

I’m bored!!!!!!! Work’s boring. After making endless calls informing people about the Holiday Program for Kids and stuff and mailing people about Mandarin classes, I now have nothing much to do. Was all the time wondering how people can be so free to email the whole world or to pose pictures up online or to write their blogs while working. I now understand - got to do it with much caution though. Don’t want my supervisors yelling at me during my 2nd day of training. Well.. if I could get more things to do, I guess I won’t be so bored. Been seeing young Taylor students walk around the whole and Club 7 is bloody tempting me from across the building. Gee.. I don’t even really look pool, foosball or drink beer. I guess it’s the friendship hangout place thingy - seems more attractive than merely sitting in front of the computer and phone.

Will be off to Malacca either on Thursday or Friday. Banging my hopes on Friday. Really love Jonker street with lots of stalls to browse through. Just a day trip but something to look forward to. It’s better than sitting at home wishing I was back in Kuching with my sister and her boyfriend. I’m such a sore want-it-all. I need a break! I want a break. I want to get away for at least a few days but I’ve got to settle for a day trip.

I’m still missing college. Why am I so emo?? I’m starting to annoy myself and that just isn’t good so I’ll just stop typing now.

J I’m still bored.

Work.. * sigh

Today’s my second day job training. Everything’s going pretty well despite the fact that my head is throbbing pretty bad. There are many things that I’m still so unsure of. Packages, this that.. and everything is piling up. I still need to read up regarding all the courses and products that we offer but am already entertaining customers! Well, in a way it’ll be good for my commission level will be okay if this goes on but am just a bit nervous for the moment. I can’t seem to get a grip of myself and am feeling rather emo over no particular reason. There’s this beauty in the office. She holds a higher post than most of us and I just met her today. Apparently someone got up on the wrong side of the bed for someone was pretty erm.. snobbish. Maybe it’s my emo side getting all worked up again. I just want to go back to the studying world. * sigh

Oh yeah, I will be sent to take up a Mandarin Free Class every Tuesday starting Nov 8. Hmm.. Good for me, I know how am I going to manage juggling work and that and my Degree classes? I just hope degree classes won’t be on Tuesdays then.

Mixed Emotions

I let go off the COC on Friday night, at midnight. In many ways I am relieved and really, really happy to 'retire' for it has always been on my mind since Day One joining the council 2 years back. However, now with the burden gone, life just feels so empty.

Loud and Wild was loud and wild and in many ways really crazy. Everything spun around me as I walked the corridors of MSC feeling horribly sick, tired and depressed. I smiled when I could but all I wanted to do was to hide and cry. Some people tell me that parties are supposed to be fun. I guess the usual parties are fun. Council parties just take a few more hours off my already short life from me. Been planning this party for a month or so, taking breaks in between. The more breaks I took the more I had to pay back by not sleeping the days after. Some friends around me witnessed this but not to the maximum effect, of course.

All I wanted was to plan something that will make people happy for the last time in the council. I don't even know if that was achieved. Mr. Anderson said it went really well and faults that happened were just minor ones. I somehow do not feel the same. I guess I expect too much from everyone and myself. These after party emotions I feel should be blamed on no one but myself.

I really felt glad in a way the moment I gave my speech and introduced Vivien to the crowd as the new president. I will be giving up the responsibility that includes always being mentally and emotionally abused by people around who do not co-operate the way they should or delivering things they promised they would. And about my speech.. gee, I don't even remember what I said. I just know I wasn't prepared and that I was babbling like crazy. Oh.. and the grand walk in, I flew right in and screamed at some people inside in front. No one noticed, but I missed out on the only 'glorious' time I could have enjoyed.

Sick. Sick. If letting go means letting go off bad stuff, why then do I feel so awkwardly uncomfortable with the fact that it's all over? Why am I not jumping up and down with glee, clapping my hands and drinking beer? Why do I feel like tunneling to Timbuktu for permanent residence? Are all these feelings caused by reasons pointing to the fact that I now know it really is the end of me being in MSC? Changes are happening so fast inside out for the college I know soon things will all be different. Why do I care? I will still be doing my Degree there. Why do I feel so lost now? Why do I feel like I'm never ever going back? What's my problem?

All these mixed emotions make me feel so down. People tell me they understand. But I know deep down inside they don't. The only person to make this okay would be myself. Me, myself and I. * sigh * But I'm just too tired for now...

And I'm going to miss everyone in college so much... All the council people who weren't too shitty as well.. Caryn and Sean.. Darren and the new Chinese bunch and the China bunch.. and the Malay bunch.. and Edmund.. the old bunch (well sometimes I will be glad I left but not now.. )

* sighhhhh

Another End for Another Chapter

I usually write 'chapters' for crushes and infatuations. I do write about these feelings during the period of craziness and also after. These chapters are basically chapters of my life.. big ones and small ones.

Here's a new entry to end this chapter.

***
I've done enough damage to cause social havoc among people around me that I do care for. It's time to let this madness go. So much has happened within such a short period. Restating occurence and events would bring back unhappy memories and bad arguments. Better let all these be buried and never dig it up.

What kind of curvy am I anyway? I know I'm not 'halfway' but I go around having crushes on people for specific reasons. Isn't Rick good enough? I know no one's perfect and I guess I do know the reason. I'm greedy. I want everything to be perfect even though I know I myself am not.

So the mind games have stopped and the crush has almost totally faded away. Life is becoming a bit boring now but at least I'm not totally unhappy and going crazy. The 'victim' (otherwise once known as Prince Charming) can now live in peace. I will cause no further harm nor create future havocs and madness.

This marks the end of chapter XXX (I forgot the serial number for this chapter.. haven't been keeping track :P)

Kluang Break

I wrote a whole post about this but couldn't get online so I saved it in one of the coms in coll and of course the document got deleted. So anyway, here goes, once more.


One of the main reasons of these annual trips is to meet up with my foster mom (who's also Cindy's mom and Cindy Chan's my friend from Kluang) and Aunty Jean (Adrian's mom - Adrian Liew's another friend from Kluang). It wasn't my first few times there, of course. Been there five times before. Was great meeting them and other Kluangies. Was also good to move around familiar places, thinking back of all those great trips before this.

Kluang break was a great dining experience. Ate so much for 3 days I doubt any of my nice clothes can ever fit again. * sigh. Yummy food and drinks included: Foster Mom's Special Herb Chicken, Curry Laksa @ Shwu Chyn's shop, Tang Yuen @ stalls near Sg. Mengkibol, Otak2 @ Little White House that isn't little anymore coz they moved, Fruit Juice on a date with LaoKung @ Thai Village - nice place on top of shop houses!!!, Bak Kut Teh @ Teoh Heng, Western Food @ Barney's (quality dropped though..), Beef Noodles @ some shop too far away for me to know where, Ice Kacang @ Flat Lou, Roti Bomb & Susu @ Little White House, Roti Bakar & Stim & Nasi Lemak @ Kluang Station, Pearl Milk Green Tea @ Witchery Ider and Mien Fen Kao @ the bus station stalls. YUM. Best of the best would be the mangoes I ate at Cindy's house. Uncle gave me an extra portion as I seldom eat them. :)

Other great events would be hanging out and yaking till early morning.. buying and stocking up silver earrings and climbing Gunung Lambak. Was actually forced by Cindy to do so. She felt her conscience wouldn't be at ease if she did not bring me to actually climb Gunung Lambak this trip round. I did (only a quarter way up- hehe), regretting once more about my chimneying and laziness to exercise. Darn.

Highlight of the trip would of course be taking pictures of flowers. Wildflowers. They're just so beautiful!!! :)

Adrian studies in UTM, JB. Even though I did ask him to go back to Kluang for the weekends, I never expected him to. Was kinda down on Saturday when we called and he told us that he was 200 metres from Singapore's immigration border. Sweet, sweet guy decided to surprise Cindy and I by coming back in the evening! Despite his exhaustion (just finished some exams..), he accompanied us for yamcha and cracked jokes to humour us. Sweeter still, he opened car doors for both Cin and I until we felt uneasy. Such a sweet guy lar.

LaoKung was really nice. He accompanied me throughout the trip and carried my 1 tonne camera bag when I couldn't carry it anymore. Am so glad he went back while I was there!

The trip was super but Sunday came and it was time to head back to reality. So I did.. Will miss Kluang but next year will come real soon and I will make my next annual trip, so no tears. :)

Oh yeah, KKKL buses are good. Not too costly yet comfy all the way!

Was in Kluang, Johore from Oct 7 - 9, 2005.

Cyber Cafe In The Morning. Guy Zone???

At Inferno, SS15. Walau eh.. this whole place is packed max! To think I thought it might not be open. Walked in and sat in between two guys.. hmm.. uncomfy. Well, I looked up and saw the whole room packed with guys. College boys and high school boys and boys and boys.. Feeling a bit dizzy now. There are NO GIRLS here. Why? This room definitely has unbalanced ying yang. Maybe that's causing the dizziness.

Jiwang Mode

It's not easy to find friends to mingle with especially those who tune to the same channel as you, these days. Everyone's different. Being different seems to be the 'in' thing, I guess. Well, I shouldn't point fingers for I too enjoy being different in stupid little ways!

It's a blessing to have those I have around me. Editing 'Peng You' was a big outreach to my own feelings regarding friendships and relationships. An occasional evaluation on life is necessary without extra reasons. We're so busy with our daily lives that we just do not know how to feel or be in touch with our inner selves in the normal humane way. Life has become a daze.. a total mash of confusion. At least for me it is.

Well, this post is actually to thank Just and Caryn for always being around and for sharing their lives with me. I've enjoyed all these months very much and am pretty sad that everything will end soon when the 'balls start rolling'. Thanks for the many happy moments.

Jiwang mode ends. Pardon the English if error pops up.. English mode at rest.

The end and the pain that never ends.

The End

It's over, all over. I once wrote a similar post in Friendster. I was lying then. I still had one last subject to complete. Two days ago, I submitted a CD to Daniel, my DI II lecturer. Hmm. I am pretty sure I won't fail so that means the journey for my Diploma in Photography is officially over!

I thought I would be happy. I thought wrong. I've never felt more empty about learning than now. I thought the gap I felt after ending my final presentation and final project in July was bad. This is worse. This is scary. This is too much for a confused, pro suicidal person. * sigh * I think I'll be okay.


The Pain That Never Ends

Oh, on a sadder note, today marks the 4th year of the passing of the late Chai Wan Yee, the late sister of my best friend. She passed away a day after her sister's birthday 4 years ago, leaving us to mourn and grief over a loss never to be replaced. We still mourn and grieve on a different tone today. Yesterday I called Wan Ling to wish her Happy Birthday. At the same this morning I called her to make sure that she was okay. Remembering hurts. I guess the pain never leaves, it'll never end. * sigh *

Kluang!!

I'm here at Kluang. Everything seems to have slowed down by at least 2 whole hours. Been sitting in front of Cin's laptop for at least 2 hours reading blogs after blogs. So I'm back here again. It's good to be back.

The 20 bucks 3 hour journey really paid off. The bus here KKKL was awesome, comfy AND clean! Will be dining at Shwu Chyn's later.

Okay, I'm starting to get bored! Flowers.. I need flowers.. and I will get them soon enough. Tatas

Malacca once more

The 2nd day of Malacca started with goodbyes said to Gerald. It was pretty tough as chances to meet him before CNY equals to zero percent. After a pretty whacked up group photo session, we went walking around the historical areas of Malacca city. Just was suffering from stomachache of some unidentified causes. We made our slow journey and managed to meet up with the group somehow.

To mention what happened will bore my fingers as they type so I'll just list the basics. We visited the gateway of A Famosa & a museum displaying Final Fantasy's sword, climbed St. Paul's Hill, went down to the Red House areas, visited dead Dutch people, burnt our human motherboard and memory space as we wandered past 'Yellow Mansion', 'Capitol' and endless Indian shops and finally reached Tan Kim Hock (some famous local products' shop) to scatter for lunch.

Clingy ones did their act but lunch was with Just, ZhenZhen, Zenn Ge, Loukung, Family Pet, Just's Photo BF. We bumped at a 'customer service 0%' shop with very cheap and pretty good food. Despite being dried up like a 'semboi' (ewwwwwww), we somehow managed to meet up with the rest of group at Tan Kim Hock and later in the bus. I am seriously amazed our heat tolerance being students from MSC, the college well known for super air-conditioner being as cold as the freezer.

Somehow after a few turns around the city, we reached the Butterfly Park. Rain was approaching so our butterfly friends ran away. Was a bit disappointed. I did take pictures of cutie otters after escaping from some endless eekie snake routes! Love birds cheered me up with their adorable antics as I clicked. Minor goodbyes were said before returning to the polluted place we call home.

So there. I've finished writing about my Malacca trip. I had lots of fun and lots of things to grumble about. Such a bliss.. :) Was good hanging out with lots of friends for 2 whole days!!!


FYI, 2nd day of Malacca = September 29th, 2005

School Trip to Malacca

Anticipating the arrival for this trip lasted more than 3 whole gruesome weeks with some very bad things happening in between. The morning of the trip brought a somewhat excited and exhausted me to the steps leading to PGC.
* yawn *

Bus ride was OK. I exchanged places with Zhen to chill by the window. It did good and I was calmed enough to not hop off the bus. :)

Reaching Malacca and checking into Baba House was alright. The whole first part of the day went according to plan in a pretty organised manner. Lunch came and went. Chicken rice ball was discarded for an important matter to attend to, buying a brick. The brick incident was something unexpected and definitely a memory to store.

The sun mercilessly pierced at us. We continued our battle to explore art galleries after art galleries and more historical sites. Wildflowers caught my attention. I captured their beauty at peace. A teeny bit of shopping soothed my nerves. I love spending even though I know it's bad for me these days.

The last art gallery was awesome. They had great flowers and dengue mosquitoes. Interesting. The art pieces were great. Took some 'family portrait' of our 'over-so-confusing' MSC blood relations.

Drinks at Limau- Limau chilled us while we sat under partial shelter as thick fruit lassi (or whatever the others ordered) soothed our throats. Pictures. More pictures.

Heading back to the hotel, we showered, individually of course. Gerald came awhile later with his friend Daniel from Sabah. Dinner was sate celup that I was not particularly a fan of so I controlled my appetite. Gerald and Daniel are good company. The whole troop were heading to Makhota Parade which was not our cups of tea so a few of us headed back to the hotel which was supposedly very far away, according to my temporary-Malaccan friends. It was actually just around a bend and along the road. Gee. 'Cho Tai Ti', 'Uno'.. a shower.. off we go to Harper's by the river.

It's sad to say but this was the highlight of the trip for me. I guess it's the booze, and the company- everyone at ease. We drank and played hand games and I just let my mind rest and everything just seemed so beautiful. I am not intoxicated while I relate this piece of memory. It was truly an enchanting moment for me.

Zenn, I found out is actually a very charming person to hang out with. A brotherly figure, chattable pal and relaxing partner to chill with. Was glad he joined our company for drinks during the afternoon and that evening.

Gerald was (and is) charming and electrifying. Sweet in his own ways. Justine, Zhen and Caryn were just great sisters to have around as the night slipped the day past. Rick turned 21 today. We gave him booze. :)

A walk back to the hotel gently brought the day to a halt. It was time to lay our heads down and so we did.

(Note : A day’s entry for September 28th, 2005)

The story will continue after more rest. Please stay tuned.

Happy Birthday Prince Charming

September 28th marked another birthday for Prince Charming. I tried to act neutral but conscience got the better of me.

I got him a brick. Anyway, he enjoyed that brick-y brownie. Good for him. Well, that's the best a girl can do for a guy she feels so much for but is not supposed to do anything about it, right? Life can be so unfair.

I Will Be Back!!!

I want to talk about Malacca but I am suffering from memory loss due to extreme heat throughout my 2 day trip there recently. When I finally recover, I promise to tell my story. Goodbye. I mean, see you later. I will be back.


p.s. The reason why I can't write is because Justine is being really mean as well. She ate my brain and my self confidence to gain an extra pound.

A Nice Sleepover

After a sweaty day at F.R.I.M, a bunch of us made our way to Caryn's place for a sleepover. Dinner was late but it was yummy. Caryn's kakak cooked bak kut teh and curry for us. Oh yeah, kueh tiao too. Cockroach was telling us (again!!!!!!!!!!!) about the kueh tiao joke. Edmund looked cute and he was seated next to his No. 1 fan, Shwu Chyn. Opposite was Zi Pok, finally awake. I was seated next to my hubby of course. A fake hubby, that is - Cheng Xin, who was not coincidentally placed opposite Shwu Chyn, his ex wife. Beside me sat a huge, human sized insect - Cockroach and his dirty brain. Caryn sat at one end of the table with her No. 1 hubby, Sean, at the other end. Such a wonderful family dinner.

Malaysian Idol 2 was up next on TV. I was bored to death but seeing their happy faces I joined them to cheer for nobody. I do not like stars that I don't know. Steven, College Icon 05 is exceptional. I know him.

Pictures after pictures were taken at the lobby, the front porch, the swimming pool and practically everywhere else. It was fun to be a bit stupid. Okay, I was really stupid. I even helped Cockroach pose for his 'Nak Nak' 100% for smoking future campaign. :P

Oh. Quill was next on the schedule. We sat together in front of the TV set and cried our eyeballs out over some dog story. Hmm.. That was really emotional, okay?

And we finally slept. The girls in Caryn's room, and the guy's at her brother's.

Breakfast came and went, so did watching food shows. And we ate lunch a blink later. We're such pigs. We ate snacks after that. And then we left. I think Caryn's mom must think we're horrible, horrible influence to her. We eat so much and we're so special in our very own ways.

Confusion and lack of memory power makes someone write confusing posts. So forgive me.

I liked the sleepover very much though and I thought it was cool to hang out with people my age. :) I am afterall just 19 right? Hehe..


Sleepover at Caryn's took place on September 24th, 05. We obviously left the day after.

Beer is Bad

I need to tell all those who think drinking helps. It doesn't. It makes you feel emotions you wish you wanted to hide. It's best then, to stay away. Stay away from beer. That's what our nation wants us to do and that's why the taxes are increasing. Stay away.

WHY?

I hate you. I hate this feeling. I hate you for making me feel this way. I want to let go. But I'm still stupid and I hate it.

Forest Research Institute of Malaysia Trip

Throughout my trip at F.R.I.M (Forest Research Institute of Malaysia) a few questions repeatedly popped up in my tired mind.

1. Why didn’t I sleep earlier?
A. I went for College Icon the night before.

2. Why am I so tired when I crawl up this horrible mountain and gawd forsaken mosquito and leech infested jungle?
A. I smoke like a chimney and I lack exercise since possessing a driving license and a car.

3. Why am I here anyway?
A. DUH. Over2Stops needs you around to liaise with the F.R.I.M people.

4. Ok, seriously, why am I here when there are jungles everywhere just like Kuching, my hometown?
A. I’m missing home? I feel deprived of mosquito bites, sweaty body and aching muscles? I like nature???

F.R.I.M was fun, in a way. I got to see the crowning trees or something like that and I also managed to climb all the way up without a heart attack (an almost heart attack does not count!!). I enjoyed walking across the canopy walk and I also enjoyed the view! It was awesome. The nicest part was that I managed to find a tree with flowers!!!!!!!!!!!!! And take pictures of it. Pictures I’m actually pretty proud of. It was great hanging out with friends in the nature. Trip could have been better with better pre event planning. Anyway, I was happy and I hope everyone was too!

F.R.I.M trip was made on September 24^th. 2005.

College Icon!

Ice won Best Vocals! And the guy I banged hopes on (No.4 - Steven from ICOM) won FIRST!!! A wonderful Friday night at Zouk filled with cigarette smoke, wailing HELP girls and very, very interesting performances. Many friends and family gathered as well at Zouk and later at Suzie's Corner to celebrate Ice's victory. Got a personal message from College Icon 2005, Steven when he surprisingly appeared at Suzie's corner as well! Great night, great events.

College Icon was held on September 23, 2005

Mid Autumn Festival in Sepang

When away from Kuching, friends really mean a lot to you. I feel the same about my housemates and some other close friends who used to stay with me or near me in USJ2. We were so close and thankfully we still are, just like how families are supposed to be.

This year's mid autumn festival only gathered Kiwi & wife, CJ and new member Justine at Sepang as Kiwi's operation the Sunday before kept him home-bound in Sg. Pelek. Was a pity S'ze, Zhen, Sharon and Jov couldn't make it. Would have been wonderful to have everyone together.

The weekend was a blast amidst me sensitive self flaring over some 'so-typically-Justine-sweeping-comments' about me being a f***ing person from where I am. Hmm.. Looking back to that moment of time, I feel a tinge stupid.

As Justine's blog has refreshed Sepang memories, I will not go into details.

I would say, however, that the weekend was refreshing, calm and beautiful. The beach made me realise many things I couldn't see or feel while stuck in polluted USJ, really; the fruits Kiwi's family offered and the many walks kept my brain alive for another month while I finish up my last annoying subject for my Diploma; the flowers in Sepang told me that life would be beautiful if only I believed.

After just two days away from Subang, everything in life seemed to be a bit more bearable once more. I will live on, stronger now.


We celebrated Mid Autumn Festival in Sepang during the weekend of September 17 & 18, 2005.