I want to cry before I leave, for I may never come back again. But if I do return, what's the use of wasting all these precious tears?

But it is undeniable that I may never return to UP or IC in the same manner of life as I live here now. I may visit, but I may never be able to resume, or continue, or 'come back'. I'm too tired to explain, too humiliated to describe, too afraid to let them down.

I am seriously unsure of my tomorrows, and the months and years to follow.

All I know is that I am in a lot of pain, and I cannot live a normal life anymore. I need to postpone, or give up, or sacrifice in order to just, survive.