Sore rambles

Am I suppose to continue lying? I'm not happy. The excitement is dying down and all that's left are sore ramblings. I'm tired of hanging out with the kids, I'm sick of being the one to pay for group assignment costs because they're not making an effort to translate to me what they want to do, thus, I can't perform and have ended up being the one to foot the bill for games' presents and xerox copies.

I love my university. It's beautiful and I love a lot of things about it. But honestly, there's only 2 Filipinos in UP that I can have proper conversations with. The rest are all 'hi' 'bye' friends. I have international friends, though. On the surface I look happy, but deep down I'm having doubts on the whole scenario. I am doing what I want to do, but how do I get along with the bunch of children? Children who comment on other people's group work as being 'non substantial' and end up suggesting things that are almost at par as the other groups anyway.

I don't know how I'm going to make this leap to fit in. Like what Alvi said, am I supposed to self invite to join others for lunch? To tag along? Yet even if I'm there, their conversations are those that I don't want to bother with anyway.

I've often taken pride in the fact that I can get along with people of all ages. I guess I'm wrong now and it's obvious. There are some who will always be a bit too young for me to handle on an everyday basis. But the old ones are not around!!!

I'm sick and tired of the stares people give me when they find out that I'm a foreigner and the reluctance in their voice when they have to translate things to me in English. Gawd, to think of how much they adore American culture and yet refuse to utter the words in English?

I mean, yes, I understand that I have to learn the language. I am trying! But give me some time to adapt. I feel so suffocated. The more I'm forced to learn, the more I'd throw it all out. I can't join class discussions and group discussions and there are some lectures that are even hard to swallow. Sigh...

Perhaps it'll get better. It has only been a month. But one thing I know, this experience has a really high price to pay. I know it's one of a kind, and though I'm just that eccentric and all, I really do wonder how much more of this I can cope.