I really want everything to be okay.

Do you know how it feels when tears seem so petty for tears or not the situation just won't change? Crying seems so sissy and so absurd. Gee.. tears won't exchange brighter sunshine or smoothing rain! I don't want to feel so out of grip and this undying urge to bang myself against the wall but I am just so afraid. I want to go back feeling a sense of happiness for this CNY celebrated not this huge burden of worry... How will future days be? A week seems SO LONG, so HORRIBLY long to bear this anxiety and this fear and this bad, bad gut feeling. I just don't know what else to do.

Please let this be a minor thunderstorm. Please clear the skies once again. Please?