He doesn't love me

I know he doesn't love me. He never exactly told me that, but I guess I just know. It hurts a lot, and it's hard to let go, I want to but I don't know how to. Why is it such a big deal anyway, it's not like this is my first crush or whatsoever. He is not supposed to have such an effect. He's not anyone that great, is he?

Well.. somehow, I find his annoying self charming. No matter what he says, or he does, it just seems so perfect to me. Absurd. Knowing the impossibilities, I should be smart enough to turn around and say goodbye to a no-happy-ending non existing relationship. I am not a child anymore. Crushes like this are not supposed to happen. I can't let myself going around looking like a love-sick love-struck child! Gee. If I could, I would wham myself over and over till I wake up from this nightmare that brings such a bitter sweet after effect.

He doesn't love me but I want him to love me. Funny. Even if he does love me, I don't even know what I'll do. I just want him to love me so... so much.