Here's something about daddy.. * written in 2006*

The pain doesn't seem to go away. It's been quite long. Quite a number of days, a dozen of number of days. Yet everytime I remember the incidents of late May and early June, my heart jolts with pain, unbearable-undeniable-
unhidden pain.

Pictures bring tears, pictures reflect memories, memories cause tears.

Daddy, I miss you so much. I try to think of the positive side your leaving may bring me. I guess I'm trying too hard. Or am I not trying hard enough?

With every flip of the pages in my chapters of life without you, my ship sails into the depths of fear. Without you, my anchor and compass, I know not my bearings nor my destination. Aimlessly I await the day when all these fears will be familiarised-accepted-adapted to.

Oh daddy, why so soon? I know you said you had no choice but to go. I know that and I know I should not question anymore but I just can't deny humanly emotions.

I know my doubts are just empty worries but daddy, where are you now? Are you happy? Do you miss us just as much or more than we miss you? Can you still see us? Are you still very much near us? Are you worried about us as well? Are you with your dear Lord in your new heavenly home now? Why aren't you giving me dreams any more dy?

Don't worry daddy. I won't be like this for long - just give me some time, I'm only asking for a few more precious moments to dwell in the past, to feel your presence with us, to be close to you once more, to cherish history like never before. I will be fine, I really will be. As the flesh and blood of a man once so strong, so graceful and such a true fighter, I promise you that I won't fail you. I will live my life as an honour to your past charisma for life, and your dreams I shall fulfill.

I love you daddy. And I still miss you so much.