Jane was admitted into the hospital yesterday evening. She has always been superb for our family even before I was born, the day she joined us in 'service'. Having a nanny so great and so loving was like having another parent. Now that her legs are in severe pain and causing her absurd problems, she has to succumb to age and reality as well. I feel so useless, what am I still doing here anyway? I can't be there for her, I can't even pay for her bills, I can't do anything for someone who has done so much for me all my life. I feel so bloody helpless. Their life meters run low and I'm still incapable of taking care of them, of shielding them from life's cruelty. When will I ever be ready?


And I no longer know who to share these pains with.