I love you. I do. I've never loved a guy the way I could love you.
You made me so happy and you gave me so much hope. You patched
my wounded soul and you showed me how good it was to live again.
You're all that I've ever wanted and needed and I do want a happily
ever after with you.
But I think you need this. I think you need me to let you go. I know
that I should at least listen to what you have to say. But I can't
live with another guy walking out of my life.
So I have to call it quits, babe. I have to let you go. My puzzle's
going to be missing a piece again. My life will be incomplete again
but I guess I'll be alright.
I'm sorry we never made it to our goal. My happily ever after will
just have to wait.
Friday, May 30, 2008
I miss you, I do.
Dearest Daddy
It's been 2 years. And it doesn't get easier though I've gotten a bit used to the idea that though you're no longer amidst us physically, your spirit still lives on.
Challenges do not seem to end and there are days when I wish that I could ask you for advice on what I should do. I really had to grow up since you left and there are days that I wish that you never left. But don't worry, dy. Everything's okay. No matter how bad things seem these days, the most I do is just to flip out for 5 minutes and then brush it off. I'm not all that emo anymore and I honestly hope it's a good thing.
Mom says that she's attending more and more wake prayers and funerals with Jane these days. I hope it's not getting too crowded up there. But looking on the bright side, I guess you have more friends to chat with now? :)
Daddy, I love you. I also know that if I do, I need to let you go. And I'm sorry to have held on for so long, and making things seem so hard.. but I am finally trying now.
Though today marks the day you left us, it is not a day to mourn. Instead, it should be a day to celebrate your life and to reflect on how wonderful you were as a father to us, a husband to mom, and a person to everyone who knew you. You were not afraid to love, to be passionate about life, to enjoy the little things that makes you happy and to give unconditionally to your family. You were a man of grace, full of charisma for life. You made people around you laugh and cry just by being you. And you truly lived.
Daddy, here's to you. To all that you made possible and to all that you mean to me.
It's been 2 years. And it doesn't get easier though I've gotten a bit used to the idea that though you're no longer amidst us physically, your spirit still lives on.
Challenges do not seem to end and there are days when I wish that I could ask you for advice on what I should do. I really had to grow up since you left and there are days that I wish that you never left. But don't worry, dy. Everything's okay. No matter how bad things seem these days, the most I do is just to flip out for 5 minutes and then brush it off. I'm not all that emo anymore and I honestly hope it's a good thing.
Mom says that she's attending more and more wake prayers and funerals with Jane these days. I hope it's not getting too crowded up there. But looking on the bright side, I guess you have more friends to chat with now? :)
Daddy, I love you. I also know that if I do, I need to let you go. And I'm sorry to have held on for so long, and making things seem so hard.. but I am finally trying now.
Though today marks the day you left us, it is not a day to mourn. Instead, it should be a day to celebrate your life and to reflect on how wonderful you were as a father to us, a husband to mom, and a person to everyone who knew you. You were not afraid to love, to be passionate about life, to enjoy the little things that makes you happy and to give unconditionally to your family. You were a man of grace, full of charisma for life. You made people around you laugh and cry just by being you. And you truly lived.
Daddy, here's to you. To all that you made possible and to all that you mean to me.
Just another Korean guy? Maybe not...
I'm known to do things the impulsive way and occasionally things I do would somehow be frowned upon but I have not done anything as unexpected as those of the previous days.
My relationship is in trouble. Somehow happiness isn't one that sticks around with me for long. Happiness in a love relationship, that is. I guess I am paying a debt to karma. Perhaps I've done enough wrongs in the past and it's just payback time. However, I'm not as upset as I should be - or should I say as a person who might be facing a break up should be.
I met a Korean guy at Clark and I was keen to talk to him as I was bored out of my wits, a bit upset with the prospects of going home for a potential break up, and missing a conversation in my 'mother tongue' - I honestly thought he was Chinese.
:) After filling up the immigration departure form, I headed to sit next to the Korean guy and asked him 'Are you going to KL?' and he said 'No, Kuala Lumpur'. :) I knew that he wasn't Chinese, nor Malaysian but continued chatting with him anyway. Yes.. that's because I love to talk.
I offered him advice on KL and we later proceeded inside and continued to chat further. Our conversation carried from the check in counter line, to the counter, to the payment for airport tax counter, to the queue towards to immigration check point, past the screening section, at the waiting area, among the queue towards the plane and also in the plane. We were joined briefly by a Chinoy businessman Sandy as well who gave us wonderful stories on beaches and being rich and famous in the Philippines.
After 4 hours of long conversation that covers practically topics of all types, we introduced ourselves! Haha.. and I did the most absurd thing. I invited him to stay at my sister's place!!! And he actually said YES. Oh my goodness. Seriously. I have outdone all the craziest things I've done in the past but it actually felt like it was the thing I had to do.
We talked some more and the plane landed. I would love to mention every single bit of incidents in details but am a bit lazy to be so elaborate.
So, just in brief.. we spent 2 days plus just talking, sightseeing, running financial errands, meeting friends and having a blast.
I have never had such a unique friendship. A really healthy and unusual one as well. Thinking about it, I could have met with a serial killer di ba? Pero it wasn't like that. I met with an angel who thinks I am one too. I met a total stranger who accompanied me through some difficult moments that I couldn't escape and I met with a really great friend. With all the emotions I feel, people find me overwhelming. Yet this new friend responses with equal feelings.
We may have very different lives, our own sets of commitments and future plans. Yet somehow our paths were meant to cross and we were given some time to enjoy each other's presence.
Quoting him indirectly, I honestly feel that even if I met with someone from home, I might not have shared such a wonderful time with that person. When 62 hours of knowing each other seem like 10 years, you'll know that miracles do happen. And God does exist. And living angels do walk the earth. And everything would be okay no matter how bad it seems.
Thank you Harry, Mr Korean Guy.
My relationship is in trouble. Somehow happiness isn't one that sticks around with me for long. Happiness in a love relationship, that is. I guess I am paying a debt to karma. Perhaps I've done enough wrongs in the past and it's just payback time. However, I'm not as upset as I should be - or should I say as a person who might be facing a break up should be.
I met a Korean guy at Clark and I was keen to talk to him as I was bored out of my wits, a bit upset with the prospects of going home for a potential break up, and missing a conversation in my 'mother tongue' - I honestly thought he was Chinese.
:) After filling up the immigration departure form, I headed to sit next to the Korean guy and asked him 'Are you going to KL?' and he said 'No, Kuala Lumpur'. :) I knew that he wasn't Chinese, nor Malaysian but continued chatting with him anyway. Yes.. that's because I love to talk.
I offered him advice on KL and we later proceeded inside and continued to chat further. Our conversation carried from the check in counter line, to the counter, to the payment for airport tax counter, to the queue towards to immigration check point, past the screening section, at the waiting area, among the queue towards the plane and also in the plane. We were joined briefly by a Chinoy businessman Sandy as well who gave us wonderful stories on beaches and being rich and famous in the Philippines.
After 4 hours of long conversation that covers practically topics of all types, we introduced ourselves! Haha.. and I did the most absurd thing. I invited him to stay at my sister's place!!! And he actually said YES. Oh my goodness. Seriously. I have outdone all the craziest things I've done in the past but it actually felt like it was the thing I had to do.
We talked some more and the plane landed. I would love to mention every single bit of incidents in details but am a bit lazy to be so elaborate.
So, just in brief.. we spent 2 days plus just talking, sightseeing, running financial errands, meeting friends and having a blast.
I have never had such a unique friendship. A really healthy and unusual one as well. Thinking about it, I could have met with a serial killer di ba? Pero it wasn't like that. I met with an angel who thinks I am one too. I met a total stranger who accompanied me through some difficult moments that I couldn't escape and I met with a really great friend. With all the emotions I feel, people find me overwhelming. Yet this new friend responses with equal feelings.
We may have very different lives, our own sets of commitments and future plans. Yet somehow our paths were meant to cross and we were given some time to enjoy each other's presence.
Quoting him indirectly, I honestly feel that even if I met with someone from home, I might not have shared such a wonderful time with that person. When 62 hours of knowing each other seem like 10 years, you'll know that miracles do happen. And God does exist. And living angels do walk the earth. And everything would be okay no matter how bad it seems.
Thank you Harry, Mr Korean Guy.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I had to come so far and take such a long time.. just to find out that though I've always wanted things to be perfect in the past, and in a very Victoria Ang way, it was perfect until 2006 came along.. and then things started to get a bit complicated. And after that I felt so much like a failure and things were not just NOT PERFECT, it was rather messed up, it was.
But it's alright. No matter how bad things were, it just shows that I'm not perfect and things don't get perfect but it's okay. I have friends and family and people who love me just the way I am. And that's what matters most.
So though I cry a bit now, I just miss the good old days. I'm fine already. I am.
But it's alright. No matter how bad things were, it just shows that I'm not perfect and things don't get perfect but it's okay. I have friends and family and people who love me just the way I am. And that's what matters most.
So though I cry a bit now, I just miss the good old days. I'm fine already. I am.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Frustrations - A few drops of tears - Hopes and Dreams
My life has been a bit frustrating lately. But amidst that, I still find comfort and joy in the fact that what I'll be doing for the next 4 years will be finally answering to a call that I've avoided long enough.
I didn't make it for the talent determination test. My ego was horribly bruised. May 5. The day I realised that I wasn't so artistic after all. I mean, I never really questioned my creativity. But somehow, I do know that being artistic.. I would somehow need to draw as well. I can't just let my art sense be based on my aesthetic values eye level, right? Oh well.
I wanted to cry and I believe I did drop a few tears. But that was all there was. Just a few drops. If I was totally depressed and if tomorrow was not within sight, I would have been bawling and rolling in the streets, right? But it wasn't all that painful. It was just like a pinch from.. not even from a crab, perhaps like one from mom back when I was younger and falling asleep in church.
I had to console myself for there wasn't anyone around whose words I wanted to listen to, anyway. Except for Joel. Perhaps Joel. He was so sweet.. taking all those rides just to buy me a drink at Starbucks. I knew I had a crush on him for a reason and the reason was today? :)
I was too caught up with the ego bruising, so much so that I let my future plans slip my mind.. the little dreams of working all over the world for a better tomorrow for the people around me. Well, it's never too selfless to start now instead of 8 years later. Besides, it would be a degree as well, right.
So here goes. To the Bachelors of Science in Social Works at the College of Social Works and Community Development.
I don't want to ever forget what I hoped for, what I dreamt about.. and the reason why I'm here. I hope I won't let my ego get in the way again.. but then again, being as egoistic as I am.. it's hard to let the ego thing slip.
The days might be a bit monotonous now but the adventures are starting really soon. New roommate, new course, new environment.. new a lot of things. :) It will be alright. I just need to be a little bit more patient. And.. I just need to remember about 'the ship'.
Things will be alright.
I didn't make it for the talent determination test. My ego was horribly bruised. May 5. The day I realised that I wasn't so artistic after all. I mean, I never really questioned my creativity. But somehow, I do know that being artistic.. I would somehow need to draw as well. I can't just let my art sense be based on my aesthetic values eye level, right? Oh well.
I wanted to cry and I believe I did drop a few tears. But that was all there was. Just a few drops. If I was totally depressed and if tomorrow was not within sight, I would have been bawling and rolling in the streets, right? But it wasn't all that painful. It was just like a pinch from.. not even from a crab, perhaps like one from mom back when I was younger and falling asleep in church.
I had to console myself for there wasn't anyone around whose words I wanted to listen to, anyway. Except for Joel. Perhaps Joel. He was so sweet.. taking all those rides just to buy me a drink at Starbucks. I knew I had a crush on him for a reason and the reason was today? :)
I was too caught up with the ego bruising, so much so that I let my future plans slip my mind.. the little dreams of working all over the world for a better tomorrow for the people around me. Well, it's never too selfless to start now instead of 8 years later. Besides, it would be a degree as well, right.
So here goes. To the Bachelors of Science in Social Works at the College of Social Works and Community Development.
I don't want to ever forget what I hoped for, what I dreamt about.. and the reason why I'm here. I hope I won't let my ego get in the way again.. but then again, being as egoistic as I am.. it's hard to let the ego thing slip.
The days might be a bit monotonous now but the adventures are starting really soon. New roommate, new course, new environment.. new a lot of things. :) It will be alright. I just need to be a little bit more patient. And.. I just need to remember about 'the ship'.
Things will be alright.
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