Frustrations - A few drops of tears - Hopes and Dreams

My life has been a bit frustrating lately. But amidst that, I still find comfort and joy in the fact that what I'll be doing for the next 4 years will be finally answering to a call that I've avoided long enough.

I didn't make it for the talent determination test. My ego was horribly bruised. May 5. The day I realised that I wasn't so artistic after all. I mean, I never really questioned my creativity. But somehow, I do know that being artistic.. I would somehow need to draw as well. I can't just let my art sense be based on my aesthetic values eye level, right? Oh well.

I wanted to cry and I believe I did drop a few tears. But that was all there was. Just a few drops. If I was totally depressed and if tomorrow was not within sight, I would have been bawling and rolling in the streets, right? But it wasn't all that painful. It was just like a pinch from.. not even from a crab, perhaps like one from mom back when I was younger and falling asleep in church.

I had to console myself for there wasn't anyone around whose words I wanted to listen to, anyway. Except for Joel. Perhaps Joel. He was so sweet.. taking all those rides just to buy me a drink at Starbucks. I knew I had a crush on him for a reason and the reason was today? :)

I was too caught up with the ego bruising, so much so that I let my future plans slip my mind.. the little dreams of working all over the world for a better tomorrow for the people around me. Well, it's never too selfless to start now instead of 8 years later. Besides, it would be a degree as well, right.

So here goes. To the Bachelors of Science in Social Works at the College of Social Works and Community Development.

I don't want to ever forget what I hoped for, what I dreamt about.. and the reason why I'm here. I hope I won't let my ego get in the way again.. but then again, being as egoistic as I am.. it's hard to let the ego thing slip.

The days might be a bit monotonous now but the adventures are starting really soon. New roommate, new course, new environment.. new a lot of things. :) It will be alright. I just need to be a little bit more patient. And.. I just need to remember about 'the ship'.

Things will be alright.

Talent Determination Test

I drew 2 Greek men today. They were fighting and they look really white. But somehow, I was suppose to shed some color to create light and form and stuff like that la. My goodness. I can't believe I drew what I did. I mean.. it's tough, no doubt. But I managed to make them look like humans la. That part was unbelievable. But to think I just simply drew for my talent determination test.. Oh well... Let's hope and pray and wish for the best! :P

The 2nd part of TDT was fun though. I drew flowers as the theme was 'nature'. We were supposed to be as creative as possible and add lines and color to some lines that were already provided.

I have never felt at helpless as I did just now. And restless too. But it was quite fun, drawing the Greek men.

I feel a bit speechless now. I guess the whole experience was too overwhelming in a good, bad and maddening way.

So, I'm going to sleep soon..

I miss home.

66 this year.

Another birthday, another opportunity to celebrate, another wise year to add on to your wise age.. but you're no longer around, daddy.

It's still not easy and we still miss you so. But everyone's alright now. Even I am alright now. I want to make you proud again, daddy. I am truly happy with life now and everything seems good and promising. Just pray that I get into UP, into CFA and major visual comm.

I love you no less, daddy. And I still wish that I could've spend a bit more time. I believe you're doing well now. Just keep guiding us, k.

Happy 66th Birthday, daddy. I love you and I miss you.

Oh Timothy, how I miss you so...

Reporting from UP's shopping center...

I've been in the Philippines for a week already. Life has started and is going on pretty well. I am happy, contented and life seems to be rolling pretty well. The thing is that I do miss home and the people there. Very much.

It's been hot and I've been busy with university application. After numerous visits, clarification emails, endless headache and a horribly long procedure, I'm finally accepted by UP. The thing is that I am yet to be accepted by the College of Fine Arts for the Bachelors in Visual Communication.

I am tired. I am also sleepy but there are things I can't overlook.. like visa. Gawd, I almost forgot about my visa!! I pray and hope that all will go well, I really do.

And till I lay my head on the bed again tonight, or more so when I'm in Tarlac.. my headache will not go away. Sigh..