Why does looking at old photos with rich memories make me feel so sad? Why the tears? Why not laughter? Why no glimpse of even a single smile? Why such pain?

When did everything start to get so complicated? Why can't I let go off things that are meant to be stored away, belonging to the past?

If only I could turn back time, just for one more glance.. a final hug, another kiss goodbye..

I can't believe Jerome's finishing his Form 5 already. He's sitting for his SPM with Meh and the rest of his bunchies. I hope he does well. 6 years ago was my turn of SPM. Right after that were parties, my long visit to Philippines and the start of my life (in a way). Many things ended as well but many other doors opened for me.

Life has always treated me well. This year has been crucial in terms of losing loved ones, but everything else's pretty fine.

I stopped studying. It will get very difficult trying to explain to others why I did - I was very depressed. I don't expect others to understand, but am glad my family's taking it very well.

Will need to look for a proper job soon. Well, after the trips.

Recent write ups

It's been a whole freaking year and he's still in my dreams. I don't know if I should categorise them as nightmares or sweet dreams.. it's just horribly disturbing. I need to get out of this place, it's driving me nuts.

Which I am. No, I'm not nuts, I'm just getting out of this place for a few weeks off. This year has been psychotic - I wonder how I got through it at all! Will be heading to Siem Reap, Cambodia on the 5th with Pin. On the 9th she'll be heading back but I'll be heading to Phnom Penh for 2 days before flying through Bangkok to Hanoi, Vietnam. Will be in Vietnam for another 4 nights before staying a week in Thailand. Am still considering to visit places like Ayutthya and the outskirts of Bangkok.

Flying back to KL on the 22nd, I will rest for a day - go accompany DaXing to get his tatoo and celebrate his birthday before heading to Singapore with Boo for 4 days and 3 nights (2 nights in the train!!).

Am excited, and am rather ready to fly!

I might not be sure that tomorrow may be filled with laughter, but I am definitely sure that I'd be happier than today or yesterday.

I should have stoppped all these misery last year when it would have hurt less and I would feel less ashamed. Withdrawing from SEGi has been the toughest thing I had to do for so many years. Their once 'Best Student' is now a shamed dropout. Gawd.

If I had left last year, I would have had a year of working experience. Damn greed. Why was I so impatient to finish it all up? With or without a degree, my skills in Photography wouldn't be affected anyway.

I can't go on feeling so unhappy about life. I need to get really busy. Days seem to be so lonely without common peers. Just's right. I can't hangout with juniors all the time, forever. I have to let them go. Their lives are different from mine now.

It's not all in vain. I had so many years of fun and joy in MSC. It was all good. It just had to end on a bit of a sourish note. My friends and peers have long left. I just regret not leaving earlier.