Why doesn't this horrible - farked up year just end?

Why can't my heart stop bleeding and normal tears start pouring?

Why can't everything just be alright again? Is this all part of the growing up shit we have to go through? To hell with growing up then. I hate all these shitty acceptance theories about life and death, about cycles of life and the whole mess.

I just want things to feel right. Is that just too much to ask? 2 deaths in one year's just asking too much. Fuck reality, fuck you who made all these happened.