A very nice person passed away a few days ago. We had very good times, and we had bad ones as well. I will accept the punishment to live a life of regret for the after days that were.. not so nice.

I should have trusted more, demanded for an explanation or something.. I should have reached out, reached over and offered a hug, perhaps. But I did not and it's really too late now.

I've watched movies and read stories of all these sad scenes, not knowing that our friendship would end up like this. Despite burying myself in grief, I am also to bear the heartaches of a farewell unsaid, apologies unspoken - so many things undone. Guilt is one so hard to swallow and it blends so painfully with grief.

My tears will never be enough to show you how bad it feels and how sorry I am. After death, everything's just too late. All the unanswered 'WHYs' and 'IF ONLYs'. We could have done so much but we let you go. Oh, fuck the others. I should have stayed but I chose to leave. Backs turned, memories stored.. I let it rot, thinking it had already gone bad. I had forgotten all those good days and that particular time you chose to stay when the others closed me out.

Your heart was not evil but I chose to see it black.

I thought it was too painful to stay with you and watch you live life your way, whatever that may be but leaving has caused more self-inflicted pain on myself.

Why didn't I tell you how much I loved you and stayed back to wait for you while you went for a little spin? You would eventually come back anyway. But I didn't, and it's all too late.