I'm feeling so restless. I need a freaking break. Why do holidays seem so hard to come by? So scarce and in need. What's happening to my life? Why the drastic change? Who am I changing to be? I - don't - want - to - age. Well, at least I don't want to change my state of mind! * sigh

Argh fuck. My darling Dell's software has corrupted and now more money and more work is to be thrown into restoration. * sigh. Why all these complications? I just want to listen to some music, finish my freaking assignments and watch DVDs. Damn!

Life has been a bit jumbled up. I wake up at 9 and the next thing I know, I'm on LDP heading to the office. The morning ends with lunch break for an hour or less and work continues till between 5 - 8 pm, depending on how much workload is.. or depending on how desperate I am for money.

I can't say I don't like my work.. it's pretty fun, occasionally. It's just a bit of a bum to need to work with an identity as a student - furthermore I'm working full time. * sigh

Everytime I dwell on the annoyance of working, I hear mommy echoing her thoughts and dad's last year - telling me it's okay if I not work for the family will put me through college. But things are different now, that's something I need to accept.

I know I'm sucking in my studies, but I get so tired at the end of the day. I just wish this degree would sweep by me.

I must not let my dreams die. I must one day live my photographer's life. I will not end up stuck in an office. I must hold on to my precious dreams of a smashing future ahead. I must, I must, I must.

Don't cry Vicky. He'll feel bad he's not around too wipe your tears away.

I destroy those I love and those who love me back. I'm a pathethic destroyer.

Updates and some blabs.

I've been away from blogging for awhile. My life has been interesting but not too wholesome. And no, there are things I would choose not to blog about. Readers might turn to Prozac for help.

Well, I changed jobs. I'm now back at Continuum, my old company - as an admin staff. Company distributes engineering pumps and blowers. I like my colleagues a lot, and they like me too. So all's well.

During the initial days of work back at my old office, I would come into the office and my past would come floating back as I carry out familiar old chores. Everyone's a puffer and the scent of my office is one unforgettable scent. This old scent brings back memories of joy and sadness. Often enough I brush away sad thoughts. I arranged some pictures of friends and family at my work table. A sense of staying here for a bit longer than I did previously. I miss my past.

There are days when I work a bit later than my 10 - 4 office schedule. Days like today tire me to the bones.. and at times I just want to cry and wonder why I have to get up so early to slog throughout the day. And the answer's apparent. I need to be strong, to put myself through the bloody degree I detest so that my future will be a much more stable and presentable reality.

Oh daddy I miss you so.

There I go again. * sigh

My days seem so long and so short it's hard to describe. And my housemate has been missing for 2 weeks. I've never wanted to see her so much before. I just wish she's okay.

I need a break. I want a holiday. Sepang was great yesterday. Kite flying and the company I had. Sweet.

I've got so much on my mind it scares me. I don't need more white hair.

I miss home but going back's too big a pressure. I hate meetings with old friends and relatives. It's alright to be still be studying if I'm putting myself through this bloody degree. Pls slow down on the criticism you bitches.

I'm starting to sound bitter. I should end this blog now.

Will write when I feel better.