I had a dream 2 nights ago. I dreamt about my dad and that he was alright. Pretty thin, he was.. but alright and very happy. Still shaking his head, dancing to some nice tunes he hums.

I've been longing for dreams of him for the past week or so and finally had that wonderful dream at Bunan Gega - was away for a YCS mid year camp.

Despite bursting with happiness, I felt equally sad too. It's only in dreams now that I can see him and this realisation isn't easy at all. In my dream, daddy didn't say anything to me but I was holding his arm and he was happy.

I don't know how to console myself or to stay as strong as I should be and I don't know how long it will take to be really alright. I know the situation hasn't really sunk in but it sure is slowly sinking.

People ask if I'm alright and of course I reassure them that I am. The truth is I'm not even sure about what I feel anymore. Am I really alright? I really doubt that.