I... need a bloody break. It's true, I'm not working as hard as I should. My heart is not here, my heart is everywhere. I'm letting it be trampled on, kicked around, thrown from base to base like a freaking baseball! My guard is down, my head is spinning, my body weak. I am making a fool of myself and my control.. wait, what control?
Why? I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of everything in my life. There are times that I'm just OFF and this is the time. I don't want to bounce back, I don't care about my acads and my future dreams, goals.. future WHATEVER- all a mess. My vision is blurred, my focus totally out.
I am alive but a dead, living among the living. I smile, I make polite conversations, I watch drama series, attend the classes that I can bring myself to- I'm there but my presence is absent.
All I need is a break. I think my body's causing my mind and soul to not function anymore. Am I allowed the privilege of a break? Am I?
How much more should I push myself? For how long? How do you measure your human capacities when you know not anything but desiring a break like a lost soul in the desert longing to quench his thirst?
I want to run away. For a little bit. Run home. Yes, HOME. I've been having constant homesickness for 3 months now. How long more? 3?
What should I do? The WISE decision or the BEST? The one the world approves of or the one that gives me rest?
What do YOU want me to do? Tell me, give me a big big sign. Let the heavens break open, pour down your wisdom upon me. I am but a lost, undeserving soul.. but I am the willing instrument, the potential tool, the daughter who needs your guidance. Use me but please repair me. I am damaged, spoiled, ruined.. I am feeling lethargic, exhausted, drained.
I am so going to crash against the wall. Lord, give me brakes and a long, long break. Please... I implore thee.
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