Daddy left us at midnight today. He went off rather peacefully. We were crying but we wanted him to know that leaving us is actually the thing to do to stop all the suffering and we would never blame him for going off earlier than any of us.
He just slept away while we prayed around him and all the suffering ended then.
Daddy has always been a very responsible man and he never gave up fighting his sickness until the whole family told him that it was okay to give up fighting and let nature take its course. What we have and will have has always been taken care of by him, be it financially or emotionally.
No matter where he is, we will always love him just as he will always love us. May he rest in peace now.
---
For those in Kuching, funeral details are at Borneo Post or Guo Ji.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Not too good.
Mom woke me up this morning. She was calling to inform me about dad's condition. Well, it's not good at all, if you're wondering.
She told me that I have to be strong, and that the situation's not going well at all and that the docs are talking about lungs support machine (well dad and doc not too keen on the idea if anything bad happens.) and advancing the 2nd round of chemo as cancer cells are still detected and that if it's all bad, he will be sent home and put on morphin (correct spelling?) till the end of his time.
I'm still in KL and am on standby to fly back if things get worse. I've never felt more reluctant to go back ever. Going back would mean that situations are really bad. * sigh
I don't know how to feel at all. All I know is that situations are -not too good -
She told me that I have to be strong, and that the situation's not going well at all and that the docs are talking about lungs support machine (well dad and doc not too keen on the idea if anything bad happens.) and advancing the 2nd round of chemo as cancer cells are still detected and that if it's all bad, he will be sent home and put on morphin (correct spelling?) till the end of his time.
I'm still in KL and am on standby to fly back if things get worse. I've never felt more reluctant to go back ever. Going back would mean that situations are really bad. * sigh
I don't know how to feel at all. All I know is that situations are -not too good -
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Just feeling down.
I'm behind with my assignments again but at least I'm going for classes that are available. Am feeling down, down, down, buried right in the pits of depression.
But why?
There are not many reasons to be feeling this way and I'm so tired of creating excuses for myself about this situation already!
And writing here doesn't help anymore.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Mad rush, mad everything. Coming home, going home.
This trip back home (Kuching) was really unexpected.
Was heading to Singapore by night train on April 23rd when I got a message informing me to be ready to head home anytime and to prepare for the worst. My day trip in Singapore on April 24th was a chaotic mixed- emotions mad rush that included a migraine and blacking out at an old istana's garden. I crashed the day's schedule visiting Little India, Kampung Glam and Chinatown in hot sun and under the rain. Practically visited the 3 main historical areas of Singapore. I prayed for the best for my dad, tried to expect for the worst and at the same time juggled a horrible migraine eating my mental state up. And I finally left Singapore in the evening.. what a day..
Arriving at KL Sentral, I rushed to Mas's office and got myself the earliest available flight out of KL back to Kuching. It was schedule at 4 in the evening so I rushed home and packed, got some college matters settled and headed to the airport. I wanted to keep calm and refrain from punching someone but everyone seemed to be making things harder and harder for me. The lady at the standby counter was bitchy and so was the guy at the ticketing counter. After a whole big mess and finding myself crying at the Business Class check in counter, I got someone's attention and an earlier ticket back home. *What a scene...
Came back and found Daddy horribly thin and tired but he smiled weakly at me. And the whole hospital - patient - walking on tiptoes scenario started.
Everyday I would faithfully serve my shift at the hospital, trying to entertain my dad in whatever way possible. It was really tough for him but he managed to fight through the lowest days. The docs put him on another chemo drug and it seems alright so far.
Coming back for these two weeks, I hurt myself twice: spraining my back and falling on my back + hurting my knee. Gee, I'm a potato. Everyday seemed like a running day and time has passed so fast I find myself preparing to go back to KL again. I can't delay my studies and I can't do any work here so I have to go back and do some work AND head back in mid June, again.
Well, this trip back made me realise how close my family actually is and how much I love every single member of the family including my dad's sisters. I also realised how lucky I am to be part of this family and how much everyone means to me. Daddy almost left us (even he said so, but he refuses to tell us what he actually saw and felt during the lowest days) but I guess God wanted him to spend a bit more time with us.. and I'm truly, truly thankful and glad for that.
p.s. Daddy was baptised on April 25, 2006 as 'Gerard Mark Ang Boon Chin' at the Sarawak General Hospital.
Was heading to Singapore by night train on April 23rd when I got a message informing me to be ready to head home anytime and to prepare for the worst. My day trip in Singapore on April 24th was a chaotic mixed- emotions mad rush that included a migraine and blacking out at an old istana's garden. I crashed the day's schedule visiting Little India, Kampung Glam and Chinatown in hot sun and under the rain. Practically visited the 3 main historical areas of Singapore. I prayed for the best for my dad, tried to expect for the worst and at the same time juggled a horrible migraine eating my mental state up. And I finally left Singapore in the evening.. what a day..
Arriving at KL Sentral, I rushed to Mas's office and got myself the earliest available flight out of KL back to Kuching. It was schedule at 4 in the evening so I rushed home and packed, got some college matters settled and headed to the airport. I wanted to keep calm and refrain from punching someone but everyone seemed to be making things harder and harder for me. The lady at the standby counter was bitchy and so was the guy at the ticketing counter. After a whole big mess and finding myself crying at the Business Class check in counter, I got someone's attention and an earlier ticket back home. *What a scene...
Came back and found Daddy horribly thin and tired but he smiled weakly at me. And the whole hospital - patient - walking on tiptoes scenario started.
Everyday I would faithfully serve my shift at the hospital, trying to entertain my dad in whatever way possible. It was really tough for him but he managed to fight through the lowest days. The docs put him on another chemo drug and it seems alright so far.
Coming back for these two weeks, I hurt myself twice: spraining my back and falling on my back + hurting my knee. Gee, I'm a potato. Everyday seemed like a running day and time has passed so fast I find myself preparing to go back to KL again. I can't delay my studies and I can't do any work here so I have to go back and do some work AND head back in mid June, again.
Well, this trip back made me realise how close my family actually is and how much I love every single member of the family including my dad's sisters. I also realised how lucky I am to be part of this family and how much everyone means to me. Daddy almost left us (even he said so, but he refuses to tell us what he actually saw and felt during the lowest days) but I guess God wanted him to spend a bit more time with us.. and I'm truly, truly thankful and glad for that.
p.s. Daddy was baptised on April 25, 2006 as 'Gerard Mark Ang Boon Chin' at the Sarawak General Hospital.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Nostalgic flashbacks - Part One
No. 1, USJ 2/2P
Raindrops falling on my face - an alternate alarm clock.
Late night yumcha sessions - walking past horribly dark alleys
Sudden outings - never had a properly planned one, everything.. spontaneous
Horrible endless assignments.. - yeah, I miss those now.
Super emo housemates:
Crazy Dennis and his psycho antics
Bubble and BeanBean
Mei Zhen who never cared about anything!
The suicidal S'ze2
CJ who needed help with maggi mee and drying bed sheets
Kiwi and his endless drifting games
Bbq pits that burst
Stolen food
Boxes as tables..
Flooded kitchen
Funggi toilet
House meetings!
Group gatherings in my room...
And so much more. Fate brought us together, 'destiny' tore us apart. Why so, no one knows. We lived together, we learnt together and we on our own ways..
I really want those days back. So much...
Raindrops falling on my face - an alternate alarm clock.
Late night yumcha sessions - walking past horribly dark alleys
Sudden outings - never had a properly planned one, everything.. spontaneous
Horrible endless assignments.. - yeah, I miss those now.
Super emo housemates:
Crazy Dennis and his psycho antics
Bubble and BeanBean
Mei Zhen who never cared about anything!
The suicidal S'ze2
CJ who needed help with maggi mee and drying bed sheets
Kiwi and his endless drifting games
Bbq pits that burst
Stolen food
Boxes as tables..
Flooded kitchen
Funggi toilet
House meetings!
Group gatherings in my room...
And so much more. Fate brought us together, 'destiny' tore us apart. Why so, no one knows. We lived together, we learnt together and we on our own ways..
I really want those days back. So much...
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