Haircut, Prince Charming.

He got himself a haircut, making me go crazier then I already am. He now looks like what Prince Charming would look like if I were to conjure an image. Sweet. More friendly smiles would be like whipped cream added to McFlurry Oreo. :)

He's no longer a dream guy. He has become a drug and I'm getting addicted. Weekdays are spent anticipating little bump-intos with him along the college corridor. Everyone else pales compared to him. An absent day from college or a leave he takes gives me severe depression. Letting go seems out of the question. I just want to see him everyday. I just want him to talk to me everyday. All these will end one day very soon but before it does, I will enjoy every single moment spent dreaming of him.

A Little Adrenaline Rush for a Job Interview

I'm feeling pretty excited. In another half an hour's time, I will be undergoing the torture and torment of a, job interview.

Sick and tired of waiting for the approval for my job application to work in college - will just have to do without the staff discount if I do pursue my Degree in my old college. * sigh * Will be checking out other colleges for the similar courses.

Life is turning out very different from what I planned. I saw him again this morning and he helped me with some stuff to be settled. It was of course a very awkward moment as he opened some file to be printed. Still can't understand why I do like him so much.

Anyway, hoping my interview will go smoothly and that I'll get the job. And if I don't, well, hoping more interviews will be lined up.. :)

Removing memories

At the spur of a moment, I went into his room and took away the sole reason to occasionally pop in to see him. I took my plant home. Chances of working in the college seem dim. Why bother leaving hope behind? It’s actually time to move on. He wore a jacket today, making him look so vulnerable. He might not care for me in return but I guess it’s alright to care about him. He doesn’t have to know. I’m not asking for anything in return, just an occasional smile perhaps. I’m feeling empty. Like the roots of the plant I’m bringing home, the feelings have grown. I am now removing the only thing that belongs to me that was left with him since the good days. I am removing good memories, burying them the way I should. This mere gesture means more to me than it would to anyone who might be around. I played my role, I acted as though it was the thing to do. It was of course the thing to do just not the thing I wanted to do. There are other things to remove. I’m taking my time. Thursdays are no longer supposed to be anticipated. It is after all just a class, another class. I have to keep that in mind.

The truth is that the only thing I want to do now is to go home and sleep, and stop thinking about all these nonsense. The worse thing about the whole scenario is that I think he knows. Everyone was talking about the issue in a joking way while his room’s door was left open. I’m sure he’s not deaf and I’m pretty sure that even if he did not know my intentions, he sure does now.

Itchy nose .. and Bejeweled

I'm feeling so sick. My nose seems to go itchy every few seconds but I can't seem to sneeze, sometimes. My left eye on the other hand seems to participate in this itching marathon as well. Annoying. Sheesh.

He's not around today making college seem unappealing. With an itchy nose and an itchy eye, college seems the last place for me to be at. Too many annoying events today, including unwanted cancellation and postponement for certain matters. Hmm.. Trying not to fume.

Good thing is, Jus came to college today (with her Palm.. hehe). I'm glad the Palm is here. Why? Bejeweled. The answer to all boredom. The answer to all answers. I don't care bout scores. What I want to do, is to move a jewel to make jewels disappear. Craving for more games. Justine has sort of banned me from her going near her Palm. Further pestering might cause an injunction letter issued! Anyway, might go scout for Bejeweled CD to download for my home PC. Hehe.. Oh yeah, I even dreamt bout the game, and buying a Palm. :)

Life's still fine, despite bad things. Thanks to.. Bejeweled (okay.. and Justine then).

He doesn't love me

I know he doesn't love me. He never exactly told me that, but I guess I just know. It hurts a lot, and it's hard to let go, I want to but I don't know how to. Why is it such a big deal anyway, it's not like this is my first crush or whatsoever. He is not supposed to have such an effect. He's not anyone that great, is he?

Well.. somehow, I find his annoying self charming. No matter what he says, or he does, it just seems so perfect to me. Absurd. Knowing the impossibilities, I should be smart enough to turn around and say goodbye to a no-happy-ending non existing relationship. I am not a child anymore. Crushes like this are not supposed to happen. I can't let myself going around looking like a love-sick love-struck child! Gee. If I could, I would wham myself over and over till I wake up from this nightmare that brings such a bitter sweet after effect.

He doesn't love me but I want him to love me. Funny. Even if he does love me, I don't even know what I'll do. I just want him to love me so... so much.