I guess I've not been thinking much these days. My mind has been unusually silent and thus this blog has been as quiet.

But it is untrue that I've not been thinking at all, I'm sure you do need brain activity to keep you alive.. and I haven't been dead, so I guess there were some thoughts - none important enough to be shared though.

Kacuak is having his final presentation today. And as usual, I pitched in to help in some ways. Helped him with his report this time. It was... not as bad as Mr X's.

Another junior's graduating and I'm still around. And my life still hasn't changed from the past, and I still have not moved on. However, I'm consoled that this current life is temporary, that I will be making fruitful changes soon enough.

It's been 2 1/2 years, almost.. since my final presentation. I have been bumming for almost 2 years already. Okay, I admit I was working and I did learn new things and the experiences for these 2 years were equally beneficial in their own ways as contributions to this learning journey I call life.

It's just that.. hmm, compare these 2 years to the rest of my life (other than the previous bumming half year in 2002.. and the uncompleted A levels thing), these 2 years have been awfully 'nonchalant'. I can't find any other word and saying that they were uneventful or boring or monotonous just makes it a total lie.

Ahh... whatever.

I'm jobless. It's time to pack up and move on. I've had my holiday in Kluang and it was good. I've stuffed myself silly and now it's time to starve a bit.. :)

There are just moments that I want to spend crying, though. And I don't know why. I think I've too much brain activity over nothing.. Watched Armageddon and burst out in tears. Well, to think that Gracie and I have one thing in common. No daddy walking us down the aisle. Why bother looking for the right person then? ...

Am I 25, 15 or 5?

Last day of October, Halloween.

The only ghosts spooking my life now are myself and the person I'm supposed to be in love with.

I hate to be controlled. I hate the feeling of another person judging my actions and saying 'no' to the things I want to do. I hate the way things are said or situations are made to seem that I should feel guilty of what I have done.

I know I am not totally innocent but I am supposed to live life as wild or crazy or at least HOW I want to live it before I get all settled down and shit like that, right?

It's annoying how my actions can affect another person's day. Gawd.. Days like these make me want to pack up and leave this place on the next flight out.

I am going to Laos next year for a whole week with Aunty Kathy for an all expense paid trip as a companion and travelling mate! :) Can't wait.. So excited.

I've left this blog for a month but I have been around. And I have tried to be alright and to continue with the plans I made and though there were some disturbance midway, things are still going as planned.

There are times when I feel so alone.. I know not who to make decisions with, I fear the consequences of decision made - consequences that I will have to bear alone.

I finally put my feet down. I will not be stepped all over my head again. This warning goes out to all those who enjoy messing around with me. I have had enough. I will not be pushed around anymore. I have let myself be weak for 2 years and that's long enough to be a pussy.

Though I do not have a definite date on when I will take off to the Philippines, I know for sure that I will. I will need a huge God intended interference to make me change my mind.

But for now, I am making plans to go back home for sometime to find myself again...