Thursday, December 29, 2005
Situations.
Dec 27, 2005
I had to undergo major heart renovations today. I found out about lies that led to bigger lies that created a pile of shit, evidence displayed in a folder entitled 'b.i.a.t.c.h'. Acted 'Scenario' outside Jalan 7/149J. Dragging and pushing's no fun when heart's breaking. Why lie? Why lie when truth is so much better?
My heart bled as I drove off leaving 'poor me' behind. I've never felt so lost and so uncomfortable. I got pissed again just now. Why? Why does life give you lemons???
Sisters of mine rushed to rescue and repair the damaged heart. Settled for Rocket Mania and Tip Top as bed time 'stories'. Fountains are spraying inside out. Mind's in for a roller coaster ride but heart's not.
Dec 28, 2005
I bolted up from bed with tears streaming down my cheeks. Traumatic images flashing cross my mind, it's the darn folder again.
Needed to run, run somewhere.
Bathed. Got ready.
Flashed off to PJ's SFX. God brought me there for a reason. Fr. Simon's sermon was about victims and us being those victimising. Knowing our faults and forgiveness. The Lord's prayer made me reflect further. So did this.
"Lord please give the the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference".
I settled for a discussion and more evidence search. Sent FBIs out to fetch info and to practice forgiving. Sent out SMSes and messages and tried to sweep shit, shitted by 'poor me'. Well erm.. the story drags on but to cut the long story short, the last joke's on b.i.a.t.c.h. Backs are turned at her, roads seem blocked and dark. Consequences need to be paid for lies, more lies and wrong doings. Oops, so there.
p.s. Final work back home now. College moving out tomorrow...
I had to undergo major heart renovations today. I found out about lies that led to bigger lies that created a pile of shit, evidence displayed in a folder entitled 'b.i.a.t.c.h'. Acted 'Scenario' outside Jalan 7/149J. Dragging and pushing's no fun when heart's breaking. Why lie? Why lie when truth is so much better?
My heart bled as I drove off leaving 'poor me' behind. I've never felt so lost and so uncomfortable. I got pissed again just now. Why? Why does life give you lemons???
Sisters of mine rushed to rescue and repair the damaged heart. Settled for Rocket Mania and Tip Top as bed time 'stories'. Fountains are spraying inside out. Mind's in for a roller coaster ride but heart's not.
Dec 28, 2005
I bolted up from bed with tears streaming down my cheeks. Traumatic images flashing cross my mind, it's the darn folder again.
Needed to run, run somewhere.
Bathed. Got ready.
Flashed off to PJ's SFX. God brought me there for a reason. Fr. Simon's sermon was about victims and us being those victimising. Knowing our faults and forgiveness. The Lord's prayer made me reflect further. So did this.
"Lord please give the the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference".
I settled for a discussion and more evidence search. Sent FBIs out to fetch info and to practice forgiving. Sent out SMSes and messages and tried to sweep shit, shitted by 'poor me'. Well erm.. the story drags on but to cut the long story short, the last joke's on b.i.a.t.c.h. Backs are turned at her, roads seem blocked and dark. Consequences need to be paid for lies, more lies and wrong doings. Oops, so there.
p.s. Final work back home now. College moving out tomorrow...
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
December 26th - Happy Birthday Justine. Boxing Day.
Had pan mee for breakfast. The wait was long but the food so worth it. Gee. My blog now sounds like a glutton's diary. Well, I am a glutton in a tiny way. Ahem.
Nichii's fashion city was too fantastic as it was the year before. For one, when you have boobs and hips too big to fit into everything, the visit to the 'fashion city' doesn't feel too smashing. Got a top and a skirt for thirty bucks. Darn sizes, and they had the sales thing going on.
Headed home and prepared for dinner. Napped and cooked for Rick and went out with Just. Almost the whole bunch met up. More food at Asia Cafe. Just ordered almost everything yummy. Rejecting's out of the question so more went down to tummy world.
Pool after dinner. Played only to make Just happy.. was a bit funny, the game. Teamwork to get it over and done with. We saw the boys gossiping about us and we gave the game a wonderful ending.
Sleeping time. Was kinda un-amused by some un-wanted and un-needed events. Will write more in future if need be.
Nichii's fashion city was too fantastic as it was the year before. For one, when you have boobs and hips too big to fit into everything, the visit to the 'fashion city' doesn't feel too smashing. Got a top and a skirt for thirty bucks. Darn sizes, and they had the sales thing going on.
Headed home and prepared for dinner. Napped and cooked for Rick and went out with Just. Almost the whole bunch met up. More food at Asia Cafe. Just ordered almost everything yummy. Rejecting's out of the question so more went down to tummy world.
Pool after dinner. Played only to make Just happy.. was a bit funny, the game. Teamwork to get it over and done with. We saw the boys gossiping about us and we gave the game a wonderful ending.
Sleeping time. Was kinda un-amused by some un-wanted and un-needed events. Will write more in future if need be.
December 25th - Christmas Day
Christmas is usually the best time other than Chinese New Year. Lots of reunions, food (hmm.. I'm starting to feel sick thinking of any kind of food....) and presents (or money).
Christmas mass was just the right way to start Christmas day. Went to ertie's and picked her and Ah Wah up. She passed me a Christmas card in the car with something slid in between the little mini card. 'Ta-da'!! 50 bucks!!!! Oooo.. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! :)
Happy, happy we headed to Meaty House in D'sara Utama for Christmas lunch of Lamb Chop, Pork Chop, Baby Ribs and Pork Knuckle.. not forgetting super yummy sausages and.. :) ice wine. Gosh.. I've never felt happier eating. Despite the fact that food made me feel oozy, I ate till my heart was certainly more than contented. Life is beautiful and Christmas without snow could be fantastic as well. The meal was paid either by Wah or ertie. Went to the Curve. Stopped by Ikano for Rhumba at Starbucks. :) Rick found Pepsi cans for herself and Jerome. She said going to church helped. Gee.
Walked around till was a bit too tired to go anywhere - headed home - napped.
More food at Chooi Chin's followed by gambling sessions that I passed.
And I fell asleep on the sofa till it was time to go home!
Christmas mass was just the right way to start Christmas day. Went to ertie's and picked her and Ah Wah up. She passed me a Christmas card in the car with something slid in between the little mini card. 'Ta-da'!! 50 bucks!!!! Oooo.. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! :)
Happy, happy we headed to Meaty House in D'sara Utama for Christmas lunch of Lamb Chop, Pork Chop, Baby Ribs and Pork Knuckle.. not forgetting super yummy sausages and.. :) ice wine. Gosh.. I've never felt happier eating. Despite the fact that food made me feel oozy, I ate till my heart was certainly more than contented. Life is beautiful and Christmas without snow could be fantastic as well. The meal was paid either by Wah or ertie. Went to the Curve. Stopped by Ikano for Rhumba at Starbucks. :) Rick found Pepsi cans for herself and Jerome. She said going to church helped. Gee.
Walked around till was a bit too tired to go anywhere - headed home - napped.
More food at Chooi Chin's followed by gambling sessions that I passed.
And I fell asleep on the sofa till it was time to go home!
December 24th - Christmas Eve
It has certainly been a season of food, food and more food. I recall cooking cheese pasta for lunch.
Went for Christmas Eve mass at St. Francis Xavier Church in PJ at 7. The traffic was horrible. Was really annoyed and feeling really un-Christian about the whole scenario. God was at my side, thankfully and I got a parking real quick and ran to church in time for Opening Hymn. It was raining and the crowd packed the church and all extensions built for masses during Christmas. It was wet everywhere and the people outside just didn't sing or respond to anything. However, I felt really happy to be there. Christmas is not Christmas without going for mass, well at least for me this principle rules. Felt more Christmas than I did for days. A truly great feeling indeed.
Went to Rick's kai- ma's and ate lamb. Rick said that lamb reminded her of 'Lamb of God'. Gee. I can't explain the whole 'Lamb of God' thing to her. Too deep even for me. Faith's the most important part, I guess. Also stuffed myself insane with lasagna and cake.
Headed to Oi Mun's after that. Steamboat. Barbecue. Felt slightly ew-ish.. Too much food. Hmm.. Ate a teeny bit but when Ai Vee's cheesecakes were brought out I unleashed the glutton in me. Regret, regret.
Gift exchange wasn't as great as I hoped things would go.. but it was OK. And then there was cleaning up and it was over!
And Christmas day arrived.
Went for Christmas Eve mass at St. Francis Xavier Church in PJ at 7. The traffic was horrible. Was really annoyed and feeling really un-Christian about the whole scenario. God was at my side, thankfully and I got a parking real quick and ran to church in time for Opening Hymn. It was raining and the crowd packed the church and all extensions built for masses during Christmas. It was wet everywhere and the people outside just didn't sing or respond to anything. However, I felt really happy to be there. Christmas is not Christmas without going for mass, well at least for me this principle rules. Felt more Christmas than I did for days. A truly great feeling indeed.
Went to Rick's kai- ma's and ate lamb. Rick said that lamb reminded her of 'Lamb of God'. Gee. I can't explain the whole 'Lamb of God' thing to her. Too deep even for me. Faith's the most important part, I guess. Also stuffed myself insane with lasagna and cake.
Headed to Oi Mun's after that. Steamboat. Barbecue. Felt slightly ew-ish.. Too much food. Hmm.. Ate a teeny bit but when Ai Vee's cheesecakes were brought out I unleashed the glutton in me. Regret, regret.
Gift exchange wasn't as great as I hoped things would go.. but it was OK. And then there was cleaning up and it was over!
And Christmas day arrived.
December 23rd - Remembering 4 Years.
Today marked the day for four years with a very special person. :)
Went to Mid Valley early in the morning - ate at Manhattan Fish Market (was really yummy till I felt a bit sick of food too good) and took lots of pictures! Mid Valley's decorated at its best during Christmas!
Ertie got a bit sick so picked her up from office and headed to Sunway Medical Centre. Poor her.. down with erm.. some throat disease thingy that gives her rashes, giddiness and all the bad stuff.
Headed to Sunway to see lights! Ate dinner at Dutsi Thai. Buffet steamboat. The tom yam was awesome. More pictures!
Just came over and gave me an ashtray.. and we went out for drinks at Ehsan. Ooo.. and it's already Christmas eve... :)
Went to Mid Valley early in the morning - ate at Manhattan Fish Market (was really yummy till I felt a bit sick of food too good) and took lots of pictures! Mid Valley's decorated at its best during Christmas!
Ertie got a bit sick so picked her up from office and headed to Sunway Medical Centre. Poor her.. down with erm.. some throat disease thingy that gives her rashes, giddiness and all the bad stuff.
Headed to Sunway to see lights! Ate dinner at Dutsi Thai. Buffet steamboat. The tom yam was awesome. More pictures!
Just came over and gave me an ashtray.. and we went out for drinks at Ehsan. Ooo.. and it's already Christmas eve... :)
December 22nd - Tang Yuen Day
I sat around at home for the whole day, well.. almost. Caryn came over and I cooked some stuff. Since she's on a major diet, I ate spaghetti and she ate instant mee. :)
Went to school to in the evening. Went for classes. Was great, took pictures.
Long ago in Kuching, we used to celebrate today - eating round colorful balls and lots of other food. All I recall about the festival today is that they do it every year in December and you eat the balls to grow a year older. I wonder why I'm still into the colorful ball eating routine since I hate growing old. After grandma fell sick and passed on, we stopped all these celebration since our family's Catholic and only dad's side's erm.. whatever they are, practising Chinese??
Went to Rick's. Ate some chicken, yum. And more balls. Double yum. Also drank some yummy soup and had a yumcha session with Zhen.
Tang Yuen's day no longer like the past. But what I do know is that.. I still love tang yuen. :)
Went to school to in the evening. Went for classes. Was great, took pictures.
Long ago in Kuching, we used to celebrate today - eating round colorful balls and lots of other food. All I recall about the festival today is that they do it every year in December and you eat the balls to grow a year older. I wonder why I'm still into the colorful ball eating routine since I hate growing old. After grandma fell sick and passed on, we stopped all these celebration since our family's Catholic and only dad's side's erm.. whatever they are, practising Chinese??
Went to Rick's. Ate some chicken, yum. And more balls. Double yum. Also drank some yummy soup and had a yumcha session with Zhen.
Tang Yuen's day no longer like the past. But what I do know is that.. I still love tang yuen. :)
December 21st - Justine's Surprise Thingy
Just once told me that she's never actually had a birthday celebration with her friends before. Hearing that, I really felt for her. A friend's birthday should never be taken for lightly especially if you guys are close lar. I once thought birthdays were an annual thing.. until someone passed away. Never really got to celebrate her birthday properly.
I was shopping for food at Carrefour like a housewife on a weekday. Felt kinda awkward but it was fun in a way. Went home and dragged around 6 big bags of stuff up 3 floors. Darn, I hate my place when this happens. Did some preparations and stuff before the rest came to help out. :) Just's birthday sort of surprise thing was simple but still fun. :) The first birthday of someone celebrated at my place. Not too many of us, just the usual crowd - also the remaining ones.
Was a good night. :) Lots of good food, great laughs and pictures!!!
I was shopping for food at Carrefour like a housewife on a weekday. Felt kinda awkward but it was fun in a way. Went home and dragged around 6 big bags of stuff up 3 floors. Darn, I hate my place when this happens. Did some preparations and stuff before the rest came to help out. :) Just's birthday sort of surprise thing was simple but still fun. :) The first birthday of someone celebrated at my place. Not too many of us, just the usual crowd - also the remaining ones.
Was a good night. :) Lots of good food, great laughs and pictures!!!
Monday, December 19, 2005
Farewells are tough
Reading Just's blog, I realised that Billy has left. People say he has and I called to say goodbye but it's just not easy to wave your arm to someone you care for, bidding them farewell.
Been saying a lot of goodbyes due to the camp 2 weeks ago. Billy has left for China, for good. He's from China and was one of my college mates. A very respected person, Billy cares for people around him and will do anything he can in his power, to ensure the safety of us. He drinks like a bull, adores having girls swarm around him, talks about pet ghosts, this ghosts and that ghosts and makes people around him happy. Yu Yao, another senior from China will be leaving soon as well.
This year has been a year of goodbyes - be it for good good (deaths) or for good (not a holiday) or goodbyes that are meant to happen (the camp ones).
I've not been crying much about all these goodbyes even though I secretly want to. I guess I'm happy life's still okay and I'm still happy and that nothing too bad is happening now. I love this pace of life.. peaceful and calm, no traumatic experiences nor stalking mother or boyfriend of friends'. I should be thankful for life and all I have instead of weeping over things I have no control of.
Life is good, it's beautiful and it's like a piece of art. And I'm the artist.
Been saying a lot of goodbyes due to the camp 2 weeks ago. Billy has left for China, for good. He's from China and was one of my college mates. A very respected person, Billy cares for people around him and will do anything he can in his power, to ensure the safety of us. He drinks like a bull, adores having girls swarm around him, talks about pet ghosts, this ghosts and that ghosts and makes people around him happy. Yu Yao, another senior from China will be leaving soon as well.
This year has been a year of goodbyes - be it for good good (deaths) or for good (not a holiday) or goodbyes that are meant to happen (the camp ones).
I've not been crying much about all these goodbyes even though I secretly want to. I guess I'm happy life's still okay and I'm still happy and that nothing too bad is happening now. I love this pace of life.. peaceful and calm, no traumatic experiences nor stalking mother or boyfriend of friends'. I should be thankful for life and all I have instead of weeping over things I have no control of.
Life is good, it's beautiful and it's like a piece of art. And I'm the artist.
Vic on a date.
Vic went on a date on Sunday afternoon for pizza and to watch King Kong. It was great and her former dream has been fulfilled. Well, she always wanted to go out with the Klang guy and now she has.. and he picked her up. The date was okay, they ate, talked and watched a movie. Nothing much happened but it's good it happened for Vic is now sure he's not the one and never would be.
I'm not complaining but...
Well, I really am not complaining. Having my own 'personal space' is supposed to be a good thing but when Rick went off for some family trip this weekend, I felt kinda lonely.
Am glad my juniors didn't all scatter back to their respective hometowns and I still had people to hang out with. Cooked for ChengXin and Geok Pin on Saturday night. They were so happy. Chimui Nic came over as well and he joined in. Before we picked Pin up, the three of us had fun watching 'Oh!Happy day.' a Korean movie. Was nice. :)
Went for mass on Sunday after a long 'break' from churches in KL. Am glad I did lar.. Feel that life's more complete that way.
Can't believe Christmas is this weekend. Feel nothing.. no Chrismassy mood. I'm sure it'll pop up soon...
Am glad my juniors didn't all scatter back to their respective hometowns and I still had people to hang out with. Cooked for ChengXin and Geok Pin on Saturday night. They were so happy. Chimui Nic came over as well and he joined in. Before we picked Pin up, the three of us had fun watching 'Oh!Happy day.' a Korean movie. Was nice. :)
Went for mass on Sunday after a long 'break' from churches in KL. Am glad I did lar.. Feel that life's more complete that way.
Can't believe Christmas is this weekend. Feel nothing.. no Chrismassy mood. I'm sure it'll pop up soon...
Trekking Trio?
Kelvin, Hubby (ChengXin) and I went in search for 'entertainment' today. We went to Putra Heights and found fun at a old quarry area where people now either dump rubbish or yucky soil. It was fun trekking past mud and getting sucked down by eeky stuff but it was better when we found the location for hubby's model to be shot at.
The grass grew tall but the surroundings are partially destroyed. Sad to see what humans can do to harm nature. We walked a really long way and had to find various ways to reach wherever good we spotted. Occasionally we would meet piles or little hills of mud or soil of some sort. The sun was scorching and the heat was bad but it was fun. :)
I got sun burnt again but it's worth it lar! :) Kelvin paid for lunch at Court 2. Great little outing!!!
The grass grew tall but the surroundings are partially destroyed. Sad to see what humans can do to harm nature. We walked a really long way and had to find various ways to reach wherever good we spotted. Occasionally we would meet piles or little hills of mud or soil of some sort. The sun was scorching and the heat was bad but it was fun. :)
I got sun burnt again but it's worth it lar! :) Kelvin paid for lunch at Court 2. Great little outing!!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
Assignments' Daze.
Gee. I've never written so much crap before all my life ler. For the past 3 days, I've been rushing 2 assignments for my Communcation & Scholarship subject that I'm currently taking with USQ, Australia. Enjoying in Kuching had an expensive price to pay - blessed extension for 2 weeks but horrible jam-packed completion within 3 days.
My first assignment's entitled: Emotional Intelligence as an essential skill for relationship management in the field of education. * gee.. How the hell did I come up with that??? The supporting points are even scarier.
The second's pretty 'nice'. Bullies in Schools. :) And I had to record my voice for 7 minutes at Just's. :) Felt silly but was fun.
Anyway I got ink for my printer but it's konked, I think. * sigh.. How am I going to explain that to my dad now?
Due to faulty printer, I had to pay 18 bucks to print everything. Waste!!! While the poor people are suffering, I wasted my money to print funny stuff that the lecturer won't really read anyway. (the extras are color printed, believe it or not)
Okay I'm babbling but this is somewhere for me to pour all my shortcomings out!
Since Rick's not around this weekend, life's pretty boring. Finishing the assignments leave me wondering what I should actually do next! Everyone's gone home for the holidays... :) Nevermind, will think of something to do.
Hoping everyone'll have a greattt weekend! :)
My first assignment's entitled: Emotional Intelligence as an essential skill for relationship management in the field of education. * gee.. How the hell did I come up with that??? The supporting points are even scarier.
The second's pretty 'nice'. Bullies in Schools. :) And I had to record my voice for 7 minutes at Just's. :) Felt silly but was fun.
Anyway I got ink for my printer but it's konked, I think. * sigh.. How am I going to explain that to my dad now?
Due to faulty printer, I had to pay 18 bucks to print everything. Waste!!! While the poor people are suffering, I wasted my money to print funny stuff that the lecturer won't really read anyway. (the extras are color printed, believe it or not)
Okay I'm babbling but this is somewhere for me to pour all my shortcomings out!
Since Rick's not around this weekend, life's pretty boring. Finishing the assignments leave me wondering what I should actually do next! Everyone's gone home for the holidays... :) Nevermind, will think of something to do.
Hoping everyone'll have a greattt weekend! :)
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
:) Thailand, Here I Come!
Okay.. I'm not exactly flying off to Thailand anytime this month, or next. However, I will be going to Bangkok in March! Got free tickets and just had to top up some taxes and stuff. ;)
RM 143/- return tickets to Bangkok. :) What an awesome deal.
Having faith in Him really makes things easier. I do admit I was down, a bit barkish and almost about to give up.. but holding on helped. :) (problems with system of Airasia...)
More traveling marks on my 2006 calendar - will be away in Bangkok from March 9 - 27.
I love life. I love Him and I love everybody! Erm, and just this once, I love Airasia!!!
RM 143/- return tickets to Bangkok. :) What an awesome deal.
Having faith in Him really makes things easier. I do admit I was down, a bit barkish and almost about to give up.. but holding on helped. :) (problems with system of Airasia...)
More traveling marks on my 2006 calendar - will be away in Bangkok from March 9 - 27.
I love life. I love Him and I love everybody! Erm, and just this once, I love Airasia!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Emotion-less or Emotion-Management?
I would cry all the time in the past for the smallest, darnest things..
I cried when I left USJ to go back home so many times in the past years.
I cried when I had to leave Kuching to come back to USJ...
I also cried when my friends fought or when I fought with them (or even the slightest arguments)
; and I obviously cried when friends or family left for somewhere (when it comes to deaths, I cry darn lot)
Why then am I so tearless this year? Since the departure of one of my beloved lecturer the Late Ms. Lai.. and a tinge of this and that from the social world - Vic the tear-y is now Vic the tear-less.
I so want to cry but I can't.
I wanted to cry when I left the Student Council - out of relief or sadness to leave, who cares?
I also wanted to cry during the social havoc of Prince Charming.. but I didn't.
I could cry last week when my friends from all over the SEAS including somebody left but I also didn't.
Gee. Why can't I cry? Am I so tear-less only soap operas (fake stuff) make me cry but real events leave me stunned and without tears?
* heart feeling heavy.. too much mixed emotions..
I cried when I left USJ to go back home so many times in the past years.
I cried when I had to leave Kuching to come back to USJ...
I also cried when my friends fought or when I fought with them (or even the slightest arguments)
; and I obviously cried when friends or family left for somewhere (when it comes to deaths, I cry darn lot)
Why then am I so tearless this year? Since the departure of one of my beloved lecturer the Late Ms. Lai.. and a tinge of this and that from the social world - Vic the tear-y is now Vic the tear-less.
I so want to cry but I can't.
I wanted to cry when I left the Student Council - out of relief or sadness to leave, who cares?
I also wanted to cry during the social havoc of Prince Charming.. but I didn't.
I could cry last week when my friends from all over the SEAS including somebody left but I also didn't.
Gee. Why can't I cry? Am I so tear-less only soap operas (fake stuff) make me cry but real events leave me stunned and without tears?
* heart feeling heavy.. too much mixed emotions..
Crazy, crazy
I registered a hotmail account so I could chat in MSN as I was requested to do so, by somebody.
Somebody's driving me crazy and I should know better than to let this get to me.
I think I've got this sick obsession for people with authority.
Somebody's driving me crazy and I should know better than to let this get to me.
I think I've got this sick obsession for people with authority.
How Do I Explain This Feeling?
My heart's beating a bit too fast, my mind's racing. My body feels both warm and cold.
Before you think I'm catching a flu, let me clarify the situation.
I have made the biggest decision of all time (no, I'm not engaged) but situations depend on God and the community of Asia for a church movement. Till then, will be doing a lot of movement work I suppose.. and juggling studies as well.
Life's getting exciting and I am glad. Hoping to get rid of depression once and for all. I am truly blessed with bountiful blessings. Life may not be perfect but at least I have what I have! Feeling all emotional now.
Okay, I have written a lot yet to explain what I feel.. it's just a very different feeling. I guess it's MSC's air con as well.. it's pretty cold.
Whatever it is, I'm glad things happened the way they did - going back home - realisation and all.. Praying that all will be beautiful and God intended.
Before you think I'm catching a flu, let me clarify the situation.
I have made the biggest decision of all time (no, I'm not engaged) but situations depend on God and the community of Asia for a church movement. Till then, will be doing a lot of movement work I suppose.. and juggling studies as well.
Life's getting exciting and I am glad. Hoping to get rid of depression once and for all. I am truly blessed with bountiful blessings. Life may not be perfect but at least I have what I have! Feeling all emotional now.
Okay, I have written a lot yet to explain what I feel.. it's just a very different feeling. I guess it's MSC's air con as well.. it's pretty cold.
Whatever it is, I'm glad things happened the way they did - going back home - realisation and all.. Praying that all will be beautiful and God intended.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Going Home
My trip's ending and it's time to go home.
Back to reality, back to pollution and back to social war.
* sigh
Back to reality, back to pollution and back to social war.
* sigh
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Building a Community That's Broken .. & lots more
For a church camp I was at for the whole week in the past, we were talking about building community through education in the light of faith - in short the theme is faith@edu.com
While discussing all the hot topics of South East Asia regarding community and education + faith that's actually international, I was informed that my friends in KL are (as Just puts it) throwing shit that's hitting the fan. I guess it means bad stuff's happening there in KL. * sigh *
SEE (with all senses)
I see myself happy and making new friends from all over the
I see myself missing all the good old days in the movement and reminiscing of the past endlessly.
I hear myself laughing all the time.
And at the same time, at the other side of
I read messages telling me that war has started at peninsular.
I hear bad news echoing from afar.
JUDGE (an on-going process part ONE)
(My Friends in KL)
I love my life in KL but it's getting a teeny bit too stressful for my liking. My friends are going crazy and only a tiny handful's worth caring for. Everyone's breaking the community in their very own way but nobody really knows what to actually do to solve the problems we can't even identify. Movies, potluck and drinks do not seem to be an option anymore. This is serious social war.
* What should I do? What can I do? Am I part of the problem?
* What are my friends thinking? Why are they doing this? Why's everyone moving away?
(My Involvement in the Movement)
I want to do more for the movement. I feel that my presence can contribute to the society and to the world indirectly. I want to be part of crowd that makes the world a better place. If sacrificing certain things in life helps improve my surroundings and the quality of life for others, that is a good thing, right?
* Should I commit to coordinating the movement in
* What would others think about me being involved like this? Would others mind? Would my presence be rejected due to my disappearance in the past years?
ACT (for now...)
I will commit to the plan to visit
I will also contact certain people to arrange for an informal coordinating involvement in the movement.
I will be there to advice my friends but not be involved in the hurting each other process. I will not give up on anyone, but not get emotionally attached to the situation.
------------
Life hasn't seemed beautiful this year till this camp. Everything happens for a reason and I am yet to find out the reason for me joining this camp.. but I think I already do know why.
Home Sweet Home
I've been back in Kuching for a week plus, meeting only a few very close friends and enjoying my stay here very much. Been in minimal touch with the world in KL - nevertheless, they're close at heart - and very in touch with my inner self, God and the calling.
The weather has either been scorching hot or pouring rain and am not bothered by either. Life has been blissful since the flight landed. Problems of any kind seem like a harmless buzzing mosquito compared to those I face in KL & Subang which is like the Aedes mosquitoes bringing dengue.
I am very happy to be home, missing friends over there but things have been great. Reschedule my flight to Monday since last week as I just had to stay back a bit more.
So I'm happy and contented with this holiday. Many intriguing questions have arose since coming back but I will answer them one by one in due time.
And for now I just want to rest till reality pops back into the picture..
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